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        Hailey's Story

    Hailey Ann Brown

      March 9th, 2018

On July 31st 2017 I was driving home from work and felt SO warm. I just knew in my heart I was pregnant. I ran home, took a test and it was positive! I quickly ran downstairs and started putting together a scrapbook. Justin thought nothing of it since I randomly do this! I glued some pictures and quickly wrote in our timeline of our relationship. At the end of the book you can guess what or should I say who I announced! 

      From then on we shared the news with all of our family and friends. We thought about our future plans, got the house ready and bought some favorite outfits and books. We even had a gender reveal party ! I totally expected the baby to be a boy. I literally jumped for joy when we popped the balloon and pink confetti came out! 

    Justin and I went on a “babymoon” an hour north in York, Maine. We thought we better get away while we could and enjoy each other alone for the last time in a while!  

My sister gave us all of our niece Charlotte’s baby toys and beautiful clothes. Once Charlotte came to terms about Auntie having her own baby, she was excited to share her toys with “Baby Hailey”. Charlotte originally wanted to name Hailey “Elmo” but Auntie politely declined! 

 Char partying in her "I'm going to be a big cousin" shirt.

  My mom and sister threw us a beautiful baby shower that was a little explorer theme with hot air balloons! I loved looking around the room at all the beautiful and strong women I have in my life that I knew would be there for Hailey as well.

Unfortunately things didn’t turn out as planned. A few days after the baby shower our entire world turned upside down. 

          On March 8th, 2018 I could no longer feel Hailey moving. She wasn’t wiggling around, she was no longer kicking books off my belly while I was reading or kicking at her daddy’s head as he snored on Mommy’s lap. 

          That night we drove to labor and delivery and there was no heart beat anymore. We were told I would have to deliver our sweet baby. The doctors induced me around 1 AM and I delivered her surrounded by family at 11:07 AM Friday, March 9th. We held Hailey in our arms and loved on her for as long as we could. She looked just like her mama with her jet black hair that I had as a newborn. She was 3lb 2oz at 35 weeks and 2 days. She had the cutest button nose and perfect heart shaped lips.

We had a funeral for Hailey on St. Patrick’s day and must have had over 100 family and friends come show their support. Hailey is so loved by all of them and we felt so loved. We cremated Hailey with her “Daddy’s Little girl” outfit and we kept the matching hat. We also put in one of her cousin Charlotte’s bunny lovey and some family pictures from our wedding day. 
 I remember when we were waiting to find out if she was a boy or girl at the beginning of my pregnancy. I had a dream I gave birth to her and even called her by her name. You were always meant to be Hailey Ann Brown. We miss you so much. We miss who you were, who you would have been and who you should have been given the chance to be. 

  A couple weeks after Hailey passed away we received the placenta and autopsy results. They showed that the placenta stopped working/growing/giving her the oxygen she needed because the cord was hyper coiled. The cord was also wrapped around her once. 

  Another grieving mother shared her angels acts of kindness cards with me and I decided to make some in Hailey’s name as well. I felt like we needed to put some positive back into our lives and into the world. 

       We’ve also started making angel bracelets for other Mama’s who lost their babies like we did. When I received a bracelet from a friend in honor of Hailey it meant the world to me. I wear it everyday and it reminds me of her. I hope the Moms who receive one from me will feel the same. I just donated my first batch to the hospital and they were made with so much love. I also make keychains for Dads and necklaces as well.

On Hailey’s due date (April 10th, 2018) my mom, sister and niece took me up to the White Mountains for some healing and distraction. We brought flowers to a river/waterfall and let them float down. It brought so much peace to me. It signified to me that life will still flow on no matter the tragedy and that it’s okay to keep moving on while grieving. While we were watching the flowers it started slowly snowing and I just knew it was another sign from Hailey. I always feel her with me. I know we are going to be grieving for Hailey our whole lives but we still deserve to be happy and try to live our best life in honor of our daughter. 

When your child is stillborn you don’t just lose a pregnancy. You lose your two year old, ten year old, a daughter who you knew would be your best friend for all time. I cherish the relationship I have with my mom who is my best friend. I wanted that with my daughter.  We lost our future with our Hailey. It’s not that it wasn’t meant to be or that it wasn’t Gods plan for her to be here. There is no reason why a Mother and Father would lose their baby. I hope to God some day the doctors can understand why this happens and how to prevent it 100%. 

              I do trust that God will help guide me along as he always has. I’ll always keep my faith in God and in my family and friends. 

          Hailey’s daddy and I put a memorial garden in our yard with the help from family and friends it is personalized with Hailey's name. 

This summer (July 2018) we hosted a private fundraising event in honor of Hailey. We raised money for a non profit called JD's Angel Wings. They helped us immensely after Hailey passed away. We are hoping to be able to give back to them and help them help more families who have lost their babies in the third trimester.

  

 I’m excited to see all the stories coming in of the random acts of kindness that are being performed in Hailey’s name. Thank you all so much for honoring her and helping her name live on. I’ll be continuously ordering these cards so if anyone needs more please keep reaching out.❤️ 

          I made a paypal link for donations toward supplies for making the angel bracelet batches to donate to the hospitals. I would like to continue making these bracelets because unfortunately stillbirth/miscarriages and infant loss happen too often. If you would like a bracelet for a loved one or if you’re a Mama who has lost an angel I would love to make you a bracelet.  

          Thank you all again. I love sharing our story with you all and I hope it helped bring some awareness about stillborn babies. It is unfortunate how often it happens and this community of families that are grieving will take all the love and support they can get.

Xoxo 

 

Please email Haileyannshelpinghands@yahoo.com for jewelry inquiries and acts of kindness cards

paypal.me/HelpingHandsHailey

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This fall we attended The Tears Foundation Rock and walk and our team raised almost $2k! We are so thankful for "Hailey's Crew".

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